10:15 a.m. - 2005-01-18
lumps and babies and anti-work sentiments... oh my!
It's kind of tough telling your mom that you've found a lump in your breast... I think it's difficult for me only because I know she'll worry herself sicker than I could ever worry myself. I did it though... she'd have killed me if I hadn't :)
We have a history of fibroids in my family... my mom's had one out and her recent exam turned up two more on her mamagram that were deemed to be "fine". I've always been told I'm "lumpy" as well but this one's different than those times and even though I'm not worried about it yet and since I don't like it when something about me is different and I had nothing to do with it, I made an appointment to see the doctor. Tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping if he's going to require a mamagram and all that happy horse crap that it can all happen tomorrow... granted it will be overwhelming most like but I hate making the trek more than once per week. Still, it makes me happy that I haven't attempted to change doctor's yet. I'm still explaining things to my current one! I can't imagine having a new doctor and having to explain everything all over again.
All the talk about age and babies and people with babies lately has left me thinking about things... (no, not as in me wanting a child... huh... yeah... that would thrill my mom but no friggen way would I bring a child into my life or this world right now) My mom, when she was my age, had a 7 year old. That's trippy as all hell to me. I don't know why I'm so fascinated by that fact but I just keep thinking about it. Maybe I keep thinking about it because I don't want kids yet (if ever) and to think that at this age I could have a child that would essentially be in the 1st or 2nd grade! That's NUTS!
And there's so many people out there who just are stay at home mom's and have something like three kids, nearly consecutively... fascinating! I suppose the population wouldn't grow if everyone was like me... so at least someone's doing it... though I really am only on the side of the people doing it for the right reasons, not the welfare mom's that keep pushing them out only to get more money for whatever selfish purposes they need it for. (pet peeve... we had a lot of those kinds of folks local when I was growing up... it made it very difficult, pride-wise, for my mom to ask for help from welfare when we got into a tight spot).
I guess when my cousin's girlfriend got pregnant while she was still in high school (the first girl at our school to ever get pregnant during my career there) it kind of started putting things in perspective for me. One is DEFINATELY not ready to bring children into that world at THAT tender age, though I know for fact that that child is well taken care of and highly loved, not all babies are that lucky in that kind of situation. Then my own cousin got pregnant while she was still in school... luckily Savannah wasn't due until just after graduation... and that just brought the whole situation even closer to me.
I will always remember the conversation I had with my cousin while telling her that I had left Orange and moved out to Fall River... she told me that she couldn't understand how I would give up the life I had with Louie, the house, the relationship, the friends, everything, in order to move out here and start anew. She told me she'd kill for the opportunities that I was seemingly tossing away. She told me that night that sometimes she sits up and watches the baby sleeping, wishing she had made a better choice because there were so many things that she wanted to do that just weren't possible yet because she had the baby... she loves that little girl to death though (don't we all?) and I know that she wouldn't trade her in for all the freedom and opportunities in the world. I told her that she could have all those things that she wanted, she just had to keep wanting them until she could make them happen... and I still believe that she will.
V and J and their pretty little girl... another relationship that fascinates me. Maybe I just don't understand people with babies
blah... work keeps interrupting so I keep losing my train of thought.
media player is being weird. I minimize it, it goes to the status bar and shows the controls as part of the status bar and then it pops open again on my screen... psychotic thing.
Well, I'm not doing very well at continuing to write here nor at doing my work so I guess I should finish up here and actually do what I'm supposed to be doing... *sigh* joy! ebzone! *SARCASM FLAG*
