10:46 a.m. - 2003-11-04
how do you know you're a geek?
very easy, this question...
i just got GIDDY over finding a very cool article for my paper that is due in a few weeks for school.
GIDDY! As in, butterflies in my stomach, excitement bubbling through, that strange feeling of your insides wiggling around in anticipation!
I'm sick... sick sick sick!
I suppose this is a good time for me to address my thoughts over the past 24 hours. I realized yesterday or last night rather, when I got a homework assignment back with a B on it that I simply do not care if I'm at school or not. I feel like I'm wasting my time and my company's money by sitting in that class every monday night. I'm not challenged and so, I'm lazy. Letting my work slack off until the last minute and then caring less if I do a subpar job. This isn't how Tara is when she's in school.
So I spent a decent amount of time thinking about the whole thing. I have no REASON to be motivated to go to school and get another degree or a certificate. It won't buy me any more money within this company I've been told, so what am I doing? Letting my company educate me for another opportunity somewhere else? That seems screwy. It sounds like a fabulous deal for me and where ever I might land next but what a shitty plan for Citi$treet (i learned this trick about symbols from nightlynews, it saves my journal entries popping up when someone does a yahoo search or something). So I had decided last night that perhaps I should let school go and instead concentrate on getting my certifications (which, by the way, also won't buy me any more money here supposedly)... I mentioned this to my boss this morning and though he said the company would pay for it he wasn't particularly keen on the idea. I could tell by the way he talked about it that he thinks I'm better off to stay in school but that means I have to take the stinking GMAT and take the plunge into the Master's program.
You know, it's funny... I don't know whether or not to be depressed or ecstatic that I'm finding this class so damn easy. I'm depressed because I feel like it's a waste of my time, but perhaps I should be ecstatic that I know enough about the subject matter to not really need to learn much more? I don't know, again, it's all screwy.
So I'm going to have a conversation with the graduate office again and ask them what the deal is and if it's going to be this easy all the way up because if it is... I need to find another program in another school or something because this will make me miserable for the years it takes me to get this degree.
It's tough going back after you've been out in the real world for a while. When school was all I had to concentrate on that's what I did. I didn't party and goof off. I didn't take day long breaks from my stuff to go do something fun with my floor instead. I didn't do a LOT of things in college because I needed to finish school so I could go and make money.
Now, here I sit with my very well paying job and absolutely no incentive to go for the next level. Part of me screams "What's the point!?" The other part screams back " more money later? More opportunities? More room for negotiation?"
bah.
and yeah...
so here I sit in the middle of myself trying to block my ears from the voices screaming back and forth at each other in my head. It's annoying. I need to make some sort of decision sometime soon since I need to register for next semester soon. Maybe I'll go look at what I'm supposed to be taking next. Maybe I'll email Fell0uris and see what she has to say about the whole mess.
All I know is I can't keep doing THESE classes if they are going to be this easy. It's frustrating. I wonder if the kids in my class have any idea how lucky they are to have this professor who teaches the way he does? I bet they don't. But he makes the class fun and they really should. They probably appreciate it on some level but not like I do, sitting in that class looking back at what -I- had for classes as a senior in college.
So yeah... current plan is to talk to the college and keep thinking about my choices. maybe I'll just attempt to do both classes and certification at the same time. it would certainly keep me busy but that's not what i'm looking to do. BAH!
i hate this.
eventually i'll make up my mind.
in other news, i did something completely random but not something i haven't been thinking a lot about lately. i put in a pre-app with east-west mortgage. i probably won't be prequalified for much of anything but at least at that point i'll know if it's worth looking for a condo/townhouse of our own instead of continuing to rent. at least i could build equity. i fully intend to argue with them if i have to about the fact that somehow i can seem to afford $905 a month for rent but usually when i use the mortgage calculators they seem to indicate that i can't even afford my rent... stupid pieces of crap. i'm not expecting miracles but it will be interesting and i am proud of myself for at least making the step in that direction. i wasn't going to mention it because i don't know what people will think about it but i don't care really. i've decided that this is somethign that i want to do for ME and so, i just went and did it.
every now and then luck bites me. i'll just hope that perhaps it will in this case as well. we shall see.
i've been working hard at a plan to pay off the existing bills without increasing the debt by too much. i think we're getting better every month (minus the cell bill BUT i just discovered that i can get savings on that because i work for Citigr0up) and so -i- think we're making progress :)
Christmas will hurt that a little but it's a planned sort of expense so, it won't send me spiralling into "i'll never get this paid off" syndrome.
so anyway, yeah. it's a slow kind of day at work and apparently there are some things that can prompt me to write so maybe i'll end up posting again later but for now, i need to close this window so people don't get suspicious ;)
