10:54 a.m. - 2003-03-04
babble
been in a very thoughtful, philosophical mood lately. it's one of those times when i would just like to sit and write and write and write and write until my brain is empty but usually, i just simply don't have the time or discipline to do that. this isn't a bad thing. i've been using my time for good things lately and that is better than staring off into space blindly and then later wondering where the time has gotten off to.
today, work is riddled with lovely problems again created by the security changes that were made this weekend. for once i'd like to see ONE THING, ONE CHANGE go smoothly without attempting to screw up my life royally and the lives of the participants that utilize our systems daily. but i suppose to hope these things would be like hoping for an absolute miracle. ahh well, i suppose it makes life interesting.
did some more writing last night and have officially decided that attempting to write about some things in a chronological manner is simply impossible. after having spent some time thinking about whether i should go back and revise the time line i think i've just resolved to give up on time line and outline the key events more so than anything else. it's frustrating to try to explain everything sometimes... but i'll get there... it's not like the story is going anywhere... it's all ingrained in my head like a movie.
haven't started a new book yet... still trying to decide which one is next. i may just read the one i got from Curves first because it's interesting and who knows... maybe i'll find something out that i didn't know before. after i'm done reading it i'll probably talk to the people at the center and find out if i should possibly consider taking another track than i'm currently taking with my eating habits. without a doubt i could definately be doing some things different. in my head i know i should be eating more meats and vegetables and less carbs but sometimes it's tough when i'm cooking for myself mostly. it's kind of funny that it's hard to justify cooking large meals for one's self.
*snickers* life was easier when i only had 3 pans to cook in... then they couldn't really stay dirty. hehe... some of the pans we have now are just plain HEAVY or big and that makes washing them a pain in the ass but it happens (don't tell andrea the sink is full... no, don't... ;) i have until Thursday or Friday to clean them up!) thank the lords for the dishwasher though! once everything is rinsed, in it goes and 8 out of 10 times it comes out clean! must work on dishes...
anyway, i was babbling about food. it's funny how you learn new things every time you "get serious" about doing something about your health. i may buy a couple other books or resources to cross check the different facts i'm seeing in this new book. and talk to some people. my problem is i hate nutritionists because the last woman i spoke to was a moron. she didn't tell me anything i didn't already know which a whole host of other people appear to be able to do. it's so damn hard to find people who look at the whole picture. i'm in search of the people who can look at the picture i'm looking at and help me figure the damn thing out!
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the banner at the top of this page is disgusting... it's a foot almost stepping on cat poop and a cat standing by the other foot. it's disturbing and distracting. there... scrolled it up to where i can't see it... gods is that gross.. and way too distracting! people are weird!
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i'm still in a strange anti-social type space. while i enjoy spending time on my own after a while i grate on my own nerves and i hope i shake this annoying feeling before i start to annoy myself. *grins* nothing worse than annoying yourself! hard to get away from yourself ;)
so i don't know if i'm going to make the hike to CT again this month for the meeting. i may just wait until the weather clears up more. i just don't really feel like driving all the way out there even though TClaire is willing to go with me... scary part there is that we'd likely stop off at Farmer Dave's, since it's on the way, and truly, as nice a guy as he is, he scared the living daylights out of me. it's probably all just some mental game they've got going on with me but dammit the tractor belt scares me! and though i love the 7 pound flogger i'm a little skeptical about a 10 pound one even if it is suede... suede or latigo, it's still 10 pounds! and he's a big guy... not just big in stature but just one of those ominous types. i don't understand my reaction to him but usually i'll just get all quiet and nervous when he's hovering around staring me down. i think he does it because he enjoys watching me sputter and go all quiet. it's the same reaction that He can get out of me. it's just weird... i don't know what else to say.
i'm petrified of birthday spankings due to me from Farmer Dave... PETRIFIED. i'm not good at taking spankings anyway and thanks to Him i'm somehow entitled to something like 47!??! *fans herself* i'm surely going to die... or at least deafen some people with my screaming and pleading.
ahh... the only bit of drama in my life...
well, i'm going to eat my lunch now.. maybe i'll scribble more later... but for now... time to eat!
