9:57 a.m. - 2003-03-02
O
"... that,no, O was not much in love with Jacqueline, not for that matter with Nathalie, nor with any girl in particular, but simply with girls because they were girls, the way one can be in love with one's own image--always finding the others more arousing and lovelier than she found herself. The pleasure she derived from seeing a girl pant under her caresses, seeing her eyes close, from stiffening the tips of a girl's breasts with one's lips and teeth, burrowing into her by thrusting one's hand into her belly or a finger into her behind-- from feeling her squeeze one's finger, one's hand, hearing her sigh, moan, cry-- ah, that! that she adored: if that pleasure was intense, incisive, it was only because it made her think constantly of the pleasure she could also receive from the girl when, in turn, her own muscles contrated around the finger, around the hand holding her, when she herself would sigh, would moan; yes, that too she adored, except that she could not conceive of giving herself in this way to a girl, the way a girl gave herself to her, but only to a man. It also seemed to her that the girls she caressed belonged by rights to the man to whom she belonged, and that she was there only by proxy. Had Sir Stephen entered her room at some time in the course of the past few days while she had been caressing Jacqueline during the siesta hour, when Jacqueline was in the habit of coming to her room, she would, without the faintest reluctance or remorse, have spread Jacqueline's legs with both her hands, spread them wide for Sir Stephen if he had wanted to possess her instead of simply peering through the lattice work as he had done. She, O, was fit for the hunt, she was a naturally trained bird of prey that would rise and stike and bring home the quarry every time."
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Perhaps it's because i'm reading it after i understand so much of what is being expressed in "The Story of O" but i think that the end was the only point of interest and importance to me.
i think the whole beginning was a mess of confusing events that really had very little impact on the story as a whole in general. Perhaps if i had read the book when i first started in the scene i'd have gotten more out of it, perhaps maybe even seen the validity in a lot of detail i see now as unnecessary and "fluffy".
this is the first book though that i've read that has elicited a journal entry of any sort... i suppose that is for a couple of reasons. Prior to today and my discovery of the above passage, i found myself more angry with people who've read the book in the past than anything else. those people who probably read the book and then at the next fetish event saw the rings modeled after the story and bought themselves one thinking it would advertise "their position" in life. Well, to me that's just bullshit.
First of all, i agree with Kristy when she said to me that most people who buy things for themselves like that, "symbols of their submission", probably don't have the faintest clue about anything that is truly described in the writing they are trying to attribute to themselves. i agree with her also when she says they probably never will.
i purchased a collar for myself back in the very beginning. Back when i believed that i needed it in order to feel my submission and broadcast it to the world. That piece of leather doesn't belong to me anymore. It is not "mine" in the way that perhaps it was when i bought it. It now represents to me a symbol of my relationship with Him. And never, in a million years, would i ever think to purchase another without His permission or perhaps ever until one was purchased for me.
i think this book could have probably have been more effective as a shorter story, perhaps half the length. It still could have ended up where it did anyway in the end, and probably would have been more meaningful to people at a certain place in the lifestyle. What frightens me the most is that people who are unaccustomed to the lifestyle will read this, want it and not even have the slightest inkling of what it's like to go through what O went through.
i will not sit here and compare my life against that which O went through in the book as it has little relevance but it was a good story to provoke a good amount of thought into the subject and upset me enough about the way people go about trying to get themselves into the lifestyle and, in the end, only finding themselves hurt and trapped or broken. People decide that they can stop thinking somewhere along the way and all the pieces will fall into place.
Although we don't know for certain what O's complete status was before Roissy (and this annoys me as well), i'm not sure how i feel about her as a person in development in the story. On one hand i'd like to say that she seemed intelligent and progressed in the most logical manner you can through a change such as that (not that there is any rhyme or reason to how one gets to a self-realization, often times it just pops up on us, like it did with O), but sometimes i also hate her and i'm not sure why.
More than likely i hate her for her seemingly complete freedom, but then again, it's fiction and after a while it appears as if there is no work for her, there is nothing but the responsibility for her Master(s). Something which, though many may not ever understand, in my mind is almost like a utopia for me if i could be kept busy (which somehow i don't think would be a problem in the end).
i suppose that the book elicits this reaction from me based on the subject matter and it striking me in a weak point. One that is so close to my heart that it frightens me in a way and makes me hate the people who claim to want that spot but will never attain it because they don't understand it and never will. And it's not that people -can't- attain it, it's just often that they go about things in the wrong manner, get themselves hurt or abused, don't find the right manner in which to start down the path to absolute freedom through slavery, and in the end become spiteful people who constantly attempt to top from the bottom or, worse yet, become door matts to those people who don't realize that a slave is NOT a doormat by any means.
Let's take Gor for another example. Another splendid example of how people get carried away with this image that their minds produce. Online Gor... the flavors and variety are about as diverse as our lovely country's people, and there are actually people in those online talkers and chat rooms and IRC channels that believe that calling themselves "Gorean" in real life is justified by the activities in which they choose to participate. This isn't Gor... in case those people forgot, this is Earth. You can choose to train and be trained in a Gorean fashion, you can choose to attempt to simplify your life and try to closer align yourself with a modern age version of the Gorean lifestyle created by John Norman but NEVER can you be Gorean.
Norman's books are a great source of social commentary and fabulous philosophies about the pecking order of life and i will say that i do subscribe to many of his philosophies (one of which is that i now truly do believe that in every woman is a slave girl dying to get out and serve her Masters) but i am by no stretch of the imagination a Gorean slave! i'm probably going off about this because of a friend in my life who has found this new treat of a "Master" who claims that she will be trained and kept as a slave girl... says he practices Gor. Uh huh... yeah...
i have yet to meet this fine gentleman but i have a feeling that despite my propensity to behave respectfully to those who claim to be ascribing to Gorean philosophies, i have a feeling i'm going to want to spit in this guy's face because already i've labelled him as a moron for how he's handling her. The things she's told me that they've done and how he's reacted. Not to mention that i don't think the relationship is healthy for her in any way anyhow.
but this entry is not intentionally meant to be about that or her or anything... it's just my commentary on my completion of The Story of O.
i love it, i hate it. Would i read it again? Likely, though i'd probably skip some parts that are simply not completely relevant.
Though if they were not there would i have read the book the same? Would i have had the same emotions? Likely not...
i suppose that is what makes literature interesting and why people keep buying it.
A story isn't a story without the details.
Perhaps it seems like i have contradicted myself in the last few lines but no... i'm still angry, but i think more angry with the people who go about things all wrong than with the book itself.
i'll label the book as good, but with the caveat that in the hands of people unfamiliar with the detailed subject matter it can only lead to some personal catastrophies in the way of developing within the lifestyle.
and hell, i didn't even go off completely about how much buying symbolic items for one's self really irks me. that, above, was only minor compared to what it could have been.... but i suppose i'll save that one for later... don't feel the need to roast a larger portion of the community and parts of a second community (goths) at the same time currently ;)
thanks for bearing with my rantings...
