7:29 a.m. - 2002-11-07
thoughtful...
AQUARIUS:
>>Thursday, November 7
Sometimes Aquarians become so wrapped up in caretaking others that they forget to see to their own needs. Remember that the flight attendant invariably warns, 'Anybody traveling with an infant or toddler must put on their own oxygen mask prior to putting on their child's' during the preflight safety check.
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Funny things, horoscopes...
So last night Tara had an all-out-feel-as-sorry-for-yourself-as-possible-and-cry-for-an-hour-and-a-half kind of night... boy aren't those grand?
anyway, they suck in my opinion and I don't like doing them but every now and then (sometimes the time line between "every now" and "then" simply isn't long enough) they happen and in the back of my head I make this tenuous agreement with myself to take care of things and make stuff better...
uh huh... yeah...
I guess that half my problem right now is that I don't know which direction I want to (or need to) travel in. So I keep line jumping and then when I jump again, find that I'm behind where I was before I jumped lines. I think it just frustrates me sometimes. I keep trying to do things to advance myself in one area or another (notice how very non-commital I'm being with details... aren't I great at that?) but somehow find myself in the same spot every damn time I turn around.
Perhaps I just need to pick one thing and focus...
Well, gee, that sounds simple enough...
EXCEPT
I know as soon as I choose one thing, another will become so seemingly important that I'll drop the initial thing and go on my merry way backwards onto the other thing.
*ponders*
Sometimes it's confusing really. Mostly because there's so much in my head. So much I could be doing and not doing. So much more ahead of me. Heh... I don't like to pick one thing. I like to be multi-involved because it keeps me busy which, somehow, manages to keep me sane.
I suppose if I had to pick some things that are important for me to focus on right now they would be health and school. In that order. My health because I need to make some changes that I keep babbling at myself about and school only because it's something I keep saying I want but somehow keep questioning my dedication to the idea. By talking to enough people around work I've found that obtaining my degree isn't going to buy me much of anything in this place so it's almost a moot point. On the other hand, it could provide leverage if I start looking for places where the degree -would- make a difference.
Heh, I've always loved that concept. One place pays for my education but refuses to acknowledge my newly deepened skills or skillset but if I look externally there's likely someone standing there waiting to hand me more cash because I have a Master's displayed on my resume... and they didn't have to pay a red cent for it!
As far as health goes. I'm sort of hoping that the woman I talked to at BR gets back to me about belly dancing lessons in my area. I know if I take a class that I enjoy that I'll show up. It's sort of like when I was going to Weight Watchers. I had someone to "answer to" kind of... or actually, someone who just expected me to be there because I had paid my money and I was committed to something. If the belly dancing thing doesn't work out maybe I'll go check out the dance studio that's just on the other side of the river... I've looked up the local ones. Need to stick to that concept... finding a class externally that I'll enjoy that i'll -want- to go to.
Ahhh well, enough bitching and moaning from me this morning. I'm not as friggen depressed as I may sound (at least not in my conscious mind, I'll be honest with ya'll here) just frustrated with myself.
And as always, I don't want any help because I'm a pain in the ass independant sort that has this hang up with doing things on her own... I wonder if I'll ever get over that?
Perhaps someday...
I'll add that to my list... somewhere in the middle I suppose.
