9:51 a.m. - 2005-03-28
I don't write nearly enough...
i find myself agitated today. i've no idea why, though i've been thinking about it and then i just wonder why i let it all get to me before the picture finishes painting itself.
A is back today and already i feel like he's infringing on everything that i've laid out. i hate that he makes it feel like i'm incapable of cross training people before i even feel as if i have a handle on things. i hate that he forces things on people and makes them do it on his time instead of in their own and with assistance... "here! read this, you're going to work on it in a week or two" and then walks away. that's a ridiculous way to manage anyone! Not to mention that for some reason he has this complete inability to realize that people don't learn in the same ways and at the same rate that he does. gods he irks me. it's going to be a long few years and again i find myself asking why i do these things to myself...
i like my job... i do. i'm not even going to finish the sentance.
a lot has been going on in the background of my life lately and that's about how things go. i haven't sat and taken the time to write about anything lately and that's probably mostly because i've been able to talk it out with the various people in my life so i've been on an even keel but just by opening up this little window i find myself compelled to write about things. my self-editor keeps piping up about certain topics but i usually rebuke her with a "screw you, people know how i think and if they don't understand or comprehend something they can be human and ask me about it if it doesn't seem right or appropriate" after all, it's only the nice thing to do... goodness forbids we all be nice to each other once in a while ;)
that sounded oddly bitter... i didn't mean it to but upon rereading it i should make clear the fact that it was most definately a conversation with my inner editor and myself. she's a pain in my arse sometimes.
so let's see... where to start...
we're selling the house I grew up in... it's hard on some levels but on most, not at all. The house has gone into such disrepair that it's depressing to even look at it let alone having to go into it and find all the stuff that I wanted to take out of there. What's most sad about it is that my uncle has to move out... he's been there for quite a long time so that really sucks for him. He's adjusting well though and it may even be good for him. Second issue there... I then become guardian of the money that will pay for his housing until the cash flows run dry... *sighs* We've managed to get a place with really cheap rent but still, I worry. I'll just do my best and deal with the rest when I need to.
it sucks going there and i really hope that I do not need to go back before next monday when it is finally signed and sold. it's just depressing. i also hope that my father remembers to go and pick up whatever stuff he wants prior to next monday... he's notoriously tardy at these things and this time, there is no "better late than never" as I imagine that Chris will be charging right into that place with shovels and sledgehammers to "clean up" the place.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing it when he's done. I wonder if that's weird?
I realized, while I was there by myself on Friday, that none of my memories actually reside in that house anymore. I looked at pictures still stuck on my walls and the murals that Sammer and i and even Jamie I think had painted in my purple and black room on the third flood and I smiled. I know I will miss knowing that those are there, but then I'd look from side to side at the destruction around those pictures and I'd sigh. That is no longer the house that I grew up in. It is no longer the same place in which my Memire took her last breath... THAT house... the one of my memories resides only in my own memory and in the pictures of the house when it was in a much better state of repair. Oh how mems must be cursing us from her place in the afterworld... either that or she's fully responsible for allowing us to do that to the house.
She'd probably be terribly proud of George for handling it the way he has. I know that I am.
I suppose that is the topic that sits most heavily upon me right now. Probably because it's so prominent above anything else. Thankfully Heather deals with most of the surrounding details. It's helpful having a lawyer in the family :)
*looking outside* Spring is "here" and with it the rain, but like I said to Him this morning on the way in "at least it's just rain!" Gods help us if we were to get more snow. I think we've had our fair share this winter! I'm looking forward to taking down the thermal curtain in the bedroom and being able to open the sliding glass door again. It'll be nice to have both the light and the air back upstairs, it's been so stale in there most of the winter. Plus, the humidifier could really use the break :)
I'm hoping the weather continues to turn warm so that by the time camp rolls around the days are temperate and we don't have to pack too many "warmer" outfits. I can't wait for camp! and J and V are coming with us this year too so YAY! more people to hang out with.
Issue #2 in Tara's head... her complete inability to stay on a "losing" streak for more than one week... heh heh... who'd think I'd want to be a loser? ;) Well, I'm talking about Weight Watchers and I'm fairly miffed at myself for my lack of commitment to daily or at least almost daily exercise. I've gotten to the point where I have even though about going back to Curves, if for no other reason than I always did that religiously even though eventually my hip gave me issues from the repetative motion.... I like going to WOW (not to be confused with WoW the game) for the hip hop class and such but otherwise, we just don't seem to ever go. There just aren't enough classes that are appealing and there just doesn't seem like there's enough time in the day to spend an hour there.
And at home there's so much to do that I never get on the treadmill because I'm always doing something else.
What will probably happen as a result of this is an order to walk daily but I've been sucking at that too. I NEED to get out of the house more to work out. I'm eating in a controlled manner so I know that it's just the exercise thing that's screwing me over.
I'm going to buy DDR for the "new room" once we finish taking the stuff out of the middle of the room and clean the carpet (hopefully to happen this week!!! especially since we're going to be using that room as our interim sewing room while making costumes for camp :D) then maybe I'll go play DDR... (someone has talked about DDR enough to get me wondering if I can become and addict too.) If that doesn't work, hardly any loss as at least the TV will be up in that room too...
There just always seems to be soooo many things to do and just not enough time in which to complete everything. Not that you've heard me complain about that before or anything ;)
I know there is so much more in my head but i'm lost in it every time i stop to think. I just stare at the bottom of my monitor and my eyes go fuzzy while I go into my head and think about things. Thankfully I don't feel stressed by it all, or at least not what I would call stressed though I imagine I carry stress with me where ever I go... it's part of me I think :)
I need to go and make reservations for my mom and his mom for Foxwoods in April. she just called me and was like " I was thinking and that's a lot of money... maybe you shoudln't do that, i know you have the house and stuff"... gods she irks me. I told her that if I didn't think I could afford it I wouldn't have even offered it. She drives me nuts sometimes.
I'm going to go. I've got some stuff that needs working on and I'm just delaying the inevitable... ta for now.
