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10:24 a.m. - 2004-11-26
Wow! An entry from me!
Today is my 10 year class reunion for High School. Creepy.

I'm a little wigged out by the whole thing because it's making me think about my age. I don't necessarily think I'm old (of course not, in our own eyes we are never "old"... but when you look at it from your eyes as a 5 year old, I'm not officially ancient!) or think that it makes a big deal either way, it's just weird.

it's strange how the time passes by and I'm somewhat excited to see what the world has done to the people I spent my elementary and high school years with. I've seen some of them and others I saw at the 5 year reunion but all in all, being way out here in the east part of the state, I don't see a lot of folks and only keep up on things thanks to the gossip that hits my email inbox every now and again from my few remaining reliable sources :)

Part of me doesn't want to go but the other half of me does. There's some people that i haven't talked to since graduation who I'd like to see. Other people are of little to no interest to me whatsoever. Such a strange phenomenon this whole thing is. I wonder if other people think about it like this too.

I'm spending lots of time in the car this week... yesterday Stephan drove so I didn't really have to worry about that. Today I leave from here, early, to get up to north central before the traffic gets too heinous. I need to remember to call jamie back and give her an answer about pre-dinner before the reunion.

I guess my thinking about this has more to do with the fact that I don't really fit in or "click" with the straight vanilla folks like I used to. Soooo many times they just annoy me or I find them obnoxious and disrespectful. I've gotten all high brow in my years away from home and I have a difficult time remembering that the culture is different everywhere in the state. I'll have a good time talking with Jame and Sam but after that... there probably won't be much more to talk to anyone else about... UNLESS, of course, some of the guys are still head hunters, at which point I may pick their brains for new job opportunities for a pretty good DB2 DBA :D. Use your contacts wisely! WOOHOO!

My cousin joshua is too damned observant and inquisitive. hehe... takes after me! He noticed my trifecta ring and asked about it. I told him a half truth and said that it was a unity symbol. He left it alone after that. He's always been inquisitive that one. His older brother is that way too.

Thanksgiving yesterday was interesting. I forget sometimes how much my family doesn't talk about things and subsequently I end up feeling left out of a lot of details. It doesn't hurt me or anything, I moved away and started a new life, theirs goes on as well.

Apparently S and s are living with a friend and her 6 year old. I don't have a clue what happened to D but I suppose life goes on and my familial gene just told me not to ask, just like it always was back when I saw them all more often. I'd, of course, love to ask her about it but that wasn't a good time or place for it. I miss her. She's my only girl cousin so it was always cool to hang out with her. There was never a time where we couldn't stand each other and I'm glad for that. I just wish, on some levels, that our lives hadn't diverged so critically. She had a baby just at the end of high school and I left to go to college and then started working in the city in jobs that demanded all of my time.

It's funny, too, that I do miss these things but at the same time I don't mourn not having them really. She is still my cousin, after all, and that means that though we may not talk anymore we still love each other on that blood-level relationship. She wouldn't understand my life now I don't think. On some levels she probably would but she's been sucked into that life out there. The one that holds you in and sometimes even down. I hope for better for her and s.

Another influential person in my life is dying. He was the reason i made it through my math classes in elementary and high school. I am not mourning him either as he starts to pass. It's the "way I handle death" gene there I suppose. It is his time. He has made an incredible mark in many people's lives and I believe that it is his time to go and relax in another place to someday start all of that again. It's cancer. He had some removed from his face a few years back and was clean but he started having issues reading and remembering words and a MRI and CAT scan revealed a brain tumor and some growths on his chest as well. He's not doing well and I am intending to stop by the hospital today while I'm up there. That will be sad but it's something I'd like to do because I can, beacuse I just happen to be in the area at the right time. At least I will get to say good bye and thank you one last time.

I'm full of all kinds of dark things today aren't I?

I felt like babbling. I don't feel like working. I would rather be out and not here. I'm too annoyed with this place right now and I don't know that it's going to go away. I've contemplated being the "subordinate" that they seemingly want me to be by just starting to shove all the management responsibilities off of my plate but the moral and ethical part of me hates that idea just as much as it likes it. I hate being so responsible and career conscientious. Sometimes i wish I could be as carefree as other people who work here. Guess I just keep my eyes open for other opportunities... we'll see what happens.

Anywho... it's time to log off this thing and do some work.

Toodles for now.

 

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