2:32 p.m. - 2004-01-22
homesick
i'm homesick. and i mean literally homesick. i feel like the life has been sucked out of me, i want nothing more than to be home, even if all by myself, curled up on -my- pillows and just being content with the fact that i'm in an environment that i know and like and where eventually i'll see people that i know and love and all is right in the world.
yep. i'm lonely. and somehow i don't think going out with bekki tonight will remedy that since i barely know her anyway but... at least it's out. i'm banking on making better friends at SR than the people here. everyone here is so busy that they've barely got a second to stop let alone go out for lunch or dinner. and truly, i like the people but they're just not the uberfriendly-"come on let's go for a drink" kind of people in my opinion.
*sighs* it's a good thing that i'm changing hotels and venues tomorrow... i'd probably be crazy if i had to stay here too much longer. Stacey was trying to help me get out of here sooner by scheduling tomorrow's meeting for today this afternoon but another meeting popped up for me via the managers and so... i'll be here in the morning to and head out sometime after lunch for baltimore. i'm looking forward to being in my car. at least it's familiar to me. at least it will smell familiar.
i've been sleeping well at least. last night i only woke up once (always at 4:30... what's with 4:30?) and i fell right back asleep. the alarm went off at 6:30 and i got up and took a shower and got dressed and then sat around pondering some work stuff and doing some writing.
i have met one nice person though. not that we'd go for dinner or anything but her name is Jill and she works in the pastry shop where i get my breakfast everyday. she's been really nice. very conversant. maybe that's what i miss. conversations. casual conversations where you don't have to play politics, where you don't have to watch every word that you say, lest you incite fear of change into someone and put them on the defensive.
if i ever have to do this again it will be too soon.
it's supposed to be snowing in Baltimore/NJ area on Sunday... great... well, i'm coming home anyway, i don't care if it takes me all night. i don't care if i have to park under a streetlight at a rest area to take a nap. i'm coming home.
i'm mentally drain already, i'll be worse by sunday night and dammit, i want to be home where i don't have to think, i can be and do without thinking because i KNOW home.
bah... it's always good the first few days travelling, then, when it gets to be too much of nothing, enough's enough.
can't wait until Sunday/Monday... can't wait.
