4:50 p.m. - 2003-11-03
Fall :)
i finally caught the smell of fall today as Ken and i were walking across the courtyard at lunch time. the crispy leaves smell. i love that smell. makes me want to shuffle through the leaf piles quickly, stirring them all up around me and releasing more of that scent. it's pacifying. i enjoy it.
been thinking a lot lately about my absence from the web in terms of here somewhat and definately in terms of AIM. people seem to think that i'm still having this great conflict within myself and that's why i am staying away. truly, it's not that way but how do i tell them that without having someone misunderstand... and so, i at least try.
lately, i just am. i'm happy to be where i am when i'm there and i just feel relaxed. sure... i wasn't this way the whole time i've been missing but lately, i've just been generally comfortable not being at the computer and not to mention i've been killer busy with sewing and activities that definately pull me away from the computer.
sometimes i just get sick of internet communication which is sometimes unfortunate because we depend on it for communication so often (especially since i am phone averse). i suppose everyone who knows me can at least attempt to be content in knowing that it isn't just one or five people that i'm not talking to but the populace of my online contacts as a whole. i even got emails from some folks from talkers i haven't been on in a while saying i've disappeared and that they miss me. funny that. strange how people remember you from time to time and care to send emails. i am glad to call those people friends since they do remember you when you've been gone a while and drop a line just to say hello. you don't often make that caliber of friend online. i have been lucky :)
so yeah, generally, just not feeling the communication via internet lately. i did alright with a phone call the other day. i was initially not thrilled about the idea but it wasn't so bad ;) i suppose my relaxed mood added to that since i wasn't in a rush to work on something or talk to someone else i was quite alright with being on the phone for a little while. this is NOT an invite for more phone calls. i suspect i have my quota ;)
i'm feeling a little distant but not really. i don't need to talk to everyone every day to know that they are there and that they are well. i know that they would let me know if something was really wrong and they needed me. i'm comfortable with that. and besides, if something was wrong He'd probably know anyway because He's definately online more than i am lately.
*glances out the window by the terminal she's at at school* it's too nice to be in this stuffy classroom. i should be sitting on a porch somewhere sipping my water and listening to the night noises. *smiles* i look forward to sitting in my yard again at dusk listening to the night wake up. in Orange it used to be cool to sit and listen at the end of the day because you'd notice all the day birds quieting and you'd hear the wings of the bats over head and an owl or two off in the distance. i'd listen to the water run behind the house and sometimes i could hear that blasted beaver splashing in and out of the pond/stream. (i wonder if he ever had him removed and relocated....)
it's coming to the point where i have to decide what i'm doing next semester too. am i going to continue on this path to get the grad certificate or am i going to take the plunge and start studying for the GMAT? ugh... i don't even want to think about it!
well, my mind is wandering so i'm going to go. i've got an hour before class starts to poke around on the internet. i spoke to one of the girls in my class and asked her what i missed last week and apparently he assigned the paper last week. it's a 20 page paper on the Internet 2 project. it's not as scary as it sounds though because up to 5 pages can be charts and graphs and up to another 7 can be paraphrasing or observations made by other people (as long as they are properly cited). the remainder has to be my own thoughts.
so i've got some reading up to do... i'm not going to save THIS one for the last minute because i'll be scrambling if i do and i hate that.
so if i get REALLY bored maybe i'll start reading that site. we shall see. i have to find out when it's due. that would be a good idea.
toodles for now.
