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10:01 a.m. - 2003-07-10
Nouns
I'm currently contemplating Dumb Laws after having read about a half dozen or so states worth... well, probably more. I'm trying to figure out what the hang up with pickles and fiddles is? Strange strange laws out there...

Another quiet day at work which is all good and fine but I'd rather be home snuggling with Him than sitting here twiddling my thumbs and leaping at every email that hits my inbox. I -should- technically be moving stuff from UNIT to INTG but the developers aren't ready apparently... have I mentioned the release is in August and they havent even left the development stages yet? This release isn't going to go well... nope, not well at all...

Good conversation lately. Very thought provoking. Makes me think about how I react to things. Makes me more aware of some of my actions and reactions. My thoughts. My body language. My past. Impressions. And how cautious I've become with meeting and befriending people.

I suppose part of me feels it's about time for the next great disaster in my life... it's been a while and things are all too calm and content. Don't get me wrong I'm not wanting or expecting things to go flying out of control because, essentially, having that attitude would indeed cause more problems than would exist if I didn't think about it all the time. I think maybe, instead of waiting for the catastrophy, I'm staring down the barrel of "the next big step" in my life or person. Probably of my person. It's time for another mental overhaul and re-evaluation and critique. I do this to myself occassionally, it's sort of like spring cleaning for the mentally repressed.

Of course it will lead to long drawn out conversations with Him and I'll inevitably make myself overly vulnerable and have a good fit of crying but perhaps... hopefully, I'm past doing that to myself. For I've really nothing to be that frustrated about or to cry over, which, might I say, is an absolutely welcome feeling!

I guess, through the last few years I've learned how to reevaluate the situations I find myself in and place an "importance rating" of sorts on them. I'm better able to pause the emotion video just long enough to rationalize whether a situation a) has any effect on me at all, and b) is really worth getting bent about. I won't say that I've become apathetic because that would be one hell of a lie because as a woman, the hormonal thing includes way more emotion than I sometimes care to emit. But such is life and I wouldn't want to be any other way.

Missing the people in my life since AIM was shut down at work... *sighs* I may not get to see them very often online during the days but it was indeed nice to be able to see them at least SOME times... now... nothing. Makes me feel even more than a million miles away from them because one is busy trying to get ready to move and the other works nights... Kristy, andrea... miss you guys :(

Bunch of new people flowing around too... H and M found me via alt or bondage, I don't remember who found me where but I -think- they were both off alt.

M is really new to me. She lives in western MA and basically I really only just started actually chatting with her this week. She's somewhat of a newbie too from what I can tell. Not a lot of real life involvement yet because she doesn't have her license and can't figure out how to get her sister to drop her off at the hukae lau twice a month without having to explain. heh heh. Her sister apparently had been into the lifestyle as a Domme at some point but has since left the lifestyle and apparently sees it as the devil's work or some such. She outted M to their mom this week. I think that's terrible. M didn't want her mom to know. I think her sister should have respected that, but then again, people aren't always what we'd like them to be, especially when it comes to the curteousy issue. M wants to be a writer. She says she's working on some sci-fi/fantasy novels. Having had the aspiration once in my life, I offered to help her out best I could with the publishing houses I know and/or have connections to when she's ready. Perhaps next time I'll ask if I can read something she's written and see if it's any good. Good or not, in my opinion, every writer deserves to at least try to get published.

H is really cool. I can't wait for andrea and Kristy to meet her. She's good people, and is in the learning and exploring stages of the lifestyle. She has made me realize the extent to which I separate my acquaintances and, for lack of a better word in this train of thought, classify my friends. I don't think it's anything she's said, just the person she is and how she makes me think. Everyone makes me think differently. That's how it really works for all of us whether or not we realize it at all. People are dynamic and unique and so all our interactions with various people are dynamic and unique.

*grumbles* Will someone please explain to me why I keep trying? No matter what I suggest, it's not going to work. I suppose it works the same for them but I've made concessions in the past and sometimes it still seems they're never reciprocated. I suppose that's how life as an adult goes. Blah!

I suppose I'll disrupt my train of thought to do some work... not that I have any to do but... I should at least look busy for a while. (dammit)

 

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