5:33 a.m. - 2003-03-14
WHAT the hell?!
Jeff -
When will you stop taking things personally and stop acting like YOU are god of this planet, thinking you know what everyone is thinking and thinking it's your business to comment on other people's thoughts?
I mean really, at this point it's been over a YEAR since we've all had anything to do with each other so why not just lay off, stop reading and move on with your life like everyone else has?
Is it really so boring that you have to continue reading and decide when and when not to take digs?
And everyone else who friggen still reads the diaries of those who were once connected -
Get a grip and stop searching for things that simply aren't there anymore!
We talk about you all often amongst each other but you know what, it's not with wicked and vindictive feelings. That which you seem to still hold against something that has in the past and BY NOW should just be seen as a growing stage, an activity in the past and not a fresh wound.
It frustrates me to fucking HELL when I realize that some people, unfortunately namely you Jeff, are still being so infantile as to think they know what's in people's heads adn what's going on in their lives and make it out to be something more.
I read still because I care about what goes on in your lives on a general level. I don't choose to contact any of you outside of that because it's been expressly represented through past communications or here that it's just not going to work.
So let it go and move on. Keep reading if you will but stop making a mockery of things you don't know anything about. Because maybe YOU have time to sit down there on your high chair and make speculations about what people's lives are like but realize this. You are ASSUMING and unfortunately making an ass out of yourself.
You don't become the bigger person that way. You don't win any supposed battles that way. I don't know what you think you're accomplishing at all but I think it's perfectly ridiculous.
You're still being spiteful about the whole situation and honestly it's frustrating as hell (in case you couldn't tell by all the previously stated items). Just when I think you've let go and moved on you pull some dumb ass comment out of your ass and think it's justified.
Did I really mean that much to you?
Did Jenny?
I did love you, on some levels, Jeff. I did learn a lot from you.
I will always be THANKFUL for the time I did spend with you.
I don't understand why you have to continue to be such an ass about the past. Obviously while some of us can move on, you seem to be stuck in cement circa 2001.
IT'S THE PAST.
The whole business is infantile.
I have a successful career, a successful relationship and I'm known well in my local D/s community. I've moved on but not without memories of what happened in the past. Not without my memories of serving you, Jeff. Not without the memories of the months of Jenny's visit. Not without the memories of the journal wars. Not without the memories of the seemingly endless arguments about the whole mess.
I've not forgotten it but I haven't let it hold me down. I've put the bad stuff behind me and I DEAL with my demons when they look me in the face. No, I'm not full of forgiveness either yet but you know what? I don't take DIGS at any of you!
So just stop. Stop reading, take us off the goddam list and stop reading because obviously you can't suck it up and act like an adult.
The events are IN THE PAST. Let them go.
I have written too long on the subject. Likely it will only make you happy that I have but honestly, I don't care what makes you happy anymore because YOU don't care.
Jeff, I wish with sincere honesty that everything in your life, indeed mostly your business, does well and grows and expands. I hope for nothing but the happiness you keep reaching for. But please stop fighting a fight that's not there to fight anymore. This isn't a battle between you and Akuda. It's people living their lives separately, and thinking of those from the past. We're not required to write on things we thought we were to write on because we say we will. They are our own personal journals and thoughts we allow others to read.
Jenny, *sighs* I hope you are well, girl. Please take care of yourself. Even though we don't talk, I still read. I can't not. I still worry... such is my way. Such is the way it will probably always be.
