8:01 a.m. - 2003-01-30
Where does the time go?
how has it been 18 days since i've written here? where the heck does the time go?
i seem to be having a "lighter" mood kind of day. i'm not all gloom and doom this morning and so far, other than the dork slamming his brakes on on the highway, i haven't even gotten angry at any one this morning... ahh... cherish the moments :)
i'm hoping that today will be another slower day for me at work. yesterday was packed with meetings but when I wasnt' doing meetings i was pretty much sitting at my desk, working on a little write up for a friend and doing sporadic work assignments as they came up. sometimes i work too fast for my own good... but then again, i'm incapable of stretching work out at all most of the time. that's a skill i don't have. when i get a project, i do it and it's done. bam! no wait! *shrugs* everyone has their own pace i suppose, mine just has the motto "CHARGE!"
it's funny because i am sitting here wanting to apologize for my bitchiness lately or my depressed nature but i know that i can't really apologize for it. and for the most part i haven't hurt anyone but myself and even the self-torture isn't lasting or traumatizing in any way. i guess it's just the way things go for right now. it'll shake off. so while i don't apologize, know that i am aware of my psycho-bitchiness lately and that i'm working on the issue internally :) (as always, with a little help ;) )
i don't know that i have a whole lot more to write. i'm sort of anti-social at the moment, a good sign that i need quality alone time with myself (vs just alone time) trick is allowing myself that. i had this discussion with M the other day. quality alone time vs. just alone time. here's my theory:
alone time is just time when there's no one around you and you busy yourself doing all kinds of things that keep you occupied and busy and there's really not much difference between time around people and this alone time with the exception of the lack of people. you don't really "think" in this sort of alone time. in fact, in some cases, you avoid it outright and blatantly.
in quality alone time, you get lost in your own head. you allow yourself time to search through your brain, forethoughts and the ones hiding in the very back. i suppose you could liken it to a spring cleaning/inventory of sorts. this type of alone time can be exhausting since it may be an emotional rollercoaster of variety, and usually it leaves you pretty much useless for useful conversation afterwards. at least that's how i am. when i get introspective with myself i tend to talk to myself in my head a lot and not realize that i'm not speaking the words to the person in front of me.
heh heh... of course then there's the times where i'm dead tired and i speak words from my head that don't belong in the sentances i'm speaking (the yellow t-shirt? what?!) ;)
oh well, i suppose it's on with the show. time to get some work done. i hope Ken gets here soon, i'm starving and we usually go to get breakfast together. i love my job and the guys i work with... can we fire everyone else?
