9:50 a.m. - 2002-08-12
Life in the fast lane
WOW!
I haven't written in forever and it's been so long that I almost don't know what to write about but I'm sure I can figure something out ;)
Today, I -feel- like writing... which is cool. Though, I suppose I should be doing work related stuff since this is my first day back from vacation and there are a few things that could be done but just aren't pressing enough for me to bother with yet. I already sifted through the 462 emails that hit my box while I was gone and the additional about 30 that have arrived since I came in this morning. It really sucks being so "well informed" about all the systems sometimes. Ahh being important really sucks sometimes. At least I got to delete a good 300 of the new emails without having to read all of them. blah blah blah... techie geek stuff. I'll just spare you all the details.
Where to start...
It's been a VERY interesting week and a half for me. I've done a lot, yet at the same time didn't do so much that my brain is exploding with things to write down. I guess I'll start with the bigger steps I've taken.
I finally went to see a lawyer about the divorce. I sat there and listened to his spiel, asked a bunch of questions and took a lot of information with me from his office with the plan to sit down with the husband and discuss it. It's still scary but at least I'm starting to understand the process even though it's freaking me out about having to talk to him about it and trying to reason some of the things I'd like out of the relationship and the final process we're in now. I still hate asking for things but I udnerstand that I need things right now and so... I have to ask. Who would have known that mostly amicable divorce would be so friggen emtionally tough anyway? It sucks sometimes... It really does.
And to make matters worse... here I am talking to him about it and he goes off and starts acting like an asshole, which, of course, pisses me off so we skate around the topic, which annoys me more and finally I just decide it's time for bed and we say our goodbyes and I log off. The situation frustrates me sometimes about the same amount that it saddens me and that I know it's not a 'bad' thing that it's happening. I can't ever imagine going back to where and what I was... Thinking about it makes me feel empty. I don't know that anyone could understand the empty feeling of loving someone that you can't be with because your lives don't travel the same road... sometimes it's tough, but I'm happy in my life now. Happy where I am and where I'm going... which makes me remember that sometimes moving in the right direction means deviating from those that are familiar and comfortable.. and it hurts a little... like when you lose a pet or a loved one. *sighs* Divergence sucks sometimes.
Friday the 2nd was... well interesting. Everything was delayed. Everything behind schedule. But all in all it was a pretty laid back kind of day. I finally got to meet Liz and her Jackie and got to be in the middle of what was sort of explained as a mini-drama that somehow, by the time Saturday or sunday rolled around (I can't remember which) seemed to level itself off last I knew... *waves that off* But Liz and Jackie were cool. I enjoyed meeting them and am just sorry that I had to meet them right before they're relocating themselves. Would have been cool to have more people to hang out with during our visits to western Mass. I'll think of them when we go out there from now on. I wish them luck in Jersey.
We were late getting to the "party" in Hartford... there weren't many people there anyway and He had to bring Jenny to the hotel to change and stuff as soon as we got there so that left Jackie and I there doing nothing... well, until Mo commendeered me to take pictures of her... how did I get into that?! But anyway, by the time He and Jenny got back and He had time to put the chain flogger in the freezer we found out that the "party" ended at midnight and so... no playtime for Tara... I somehow saw THAT coming from a million miles away but I didn't think it would be for that reason... *sighs* again... beh...
consequently we packed up... forgetting the chain flogger in the freezer...OOPS... and back to the hotel room we went. The night was interesting. The company on the bed was certainly good at what they were pursuing and well... what I had of ice cream was pretty good too... hehe. Sometimes life is interesting. This was one of those nights. Strange situation but I had a good time anyway.
The picnic was... hrm... at best disappointing. It was too friggen hot really to do anything but sit in the shade. Some people were incredibly rude, some were just incredibly snotty, most were fantastic conversationalists though, which made the day not QUITE so bad :) I learned more about people I thought I disliked but found that they are slowly working towards not "trying too hard"... I keep reminding myself that second chances are necessary for some people... we'll see how THAT pans out. Other people... well, I just learned more about the depth of other people's stupidity and how they need to fabricate and belittle folks just to make themselves feel important and better in the world. It made me want to kick people or at least try to save others from the same misery but it seems that I kept myself busy enough to stay out of things and mostly keep my trap shut. I truly dislike ignorant people and sometimes wish that they were open minded enough to look at the world outside themselves.
Hrm... ranting about someone I've never ranted about here... I should be careful before I tread on toes I suppose... *shrugs*
Saturday night/Sunday morning... I don't have really a lot to say about the whole thing. It really doesn't surprise me how some things turned out... it kind of turned into an "I told myself so" type thing. I'm none the worse for the weekend and somewhat the better given new friendships though, even there I'm not sure how things will pan out. Haven't had the time to think about it lately really... will have to work on that more.
Vacation started differently than planned of course... we had invited someone down for Sunday into Monday. He of course found a way to get out of it and instead of trying to deal with it I just decided to let it go and have a good relaxing day.. and that Monday was. Most of the week was relaxing we did little trips and generally relaxed. I re-established the fact that I really hate getting up anywhere past 8 or 9 but pretty much ended up conceeding to the fact that sleeping until noon after going to bed between 3-5AM is probably not a completely bad thing (except for the wasted sunshine hours! Grrr!) since sleep is usually a good idea.
The days pretty much flew by no matter what we say and we did little day trips mostly. Exploring the neighborhood and area as well as visiting three vineyards in one day and capping off that day with homemade ice cream that was indeed good but not QUITE as good as Herrell's ;)
We went up to Salem on Saturday. The Witch's Village was the best thing we did up there (it even beats out the cemetary!) because it was the only place I really felt that they addressed the wiccan side of witchcraft well enough to give some people a better idea of what it is. I say it beats the cemetary because I have an obsession with cemetaries that I can't seem to figure out. I just find them enthralling and always have. I never hung out in them as a kid because... well, that's a stupid waste of time in my opinion (except one halloween where it was more funny than anything...) ANYWAY... we were leaving Salem at about 3:15 and were sitting at a light when some nice women kindly pointed out that my car had a flat tire... friggen A!
So Stephan parked the car in a parking lot and we took the truck apart to see if I had a jack and all that happy stuff. After not being able to find the jack at first we called AAA. They told us 90 minutes... so while waiting we picked through the truck some more and finally found that Toyota appartently hides the jacks in the side panels of the car... strange place that. So Stephan ended up being able to fix it before the towing company even called to tell us they were on their way... so he called back AAA and cancelled the call.
Now... donut tires suck, in my opinion. Supposedly they're only good for approximately 50 miles or so and you really shouldn't go fast on them. This was information that I REALLY didn't want to think about as we were leaving Salem which is definately over 50 miles from both Fall River and the Toyota dealership. Stephan didn't want to drive with the donut on my car so I drove. He called Toyota to find out if they'd fix it that day and the guy was a moron and said we had to be there by 5:15 if we wanted it done today... even though the service center is open until 6!!! *grumbles* So that pissed us off and gave us something to rant about for a minute.. then of course we realized that I had turned north instead of south and we had to turn around and backtrack, adding MORE miles to our trip.
Added dilemma was that we were supposed to be meeting a new friend for the first time in Weymouth at 6... we figured we'd make it if we just went straight there but didn't want to risk the donut going flat because then we'd be shit out of luck indeed! So home we went since we knew that we would never make the dealership, try as we might (though I would have made it there BEFORE 6... stupid people). Thankfully the girl we were going to meet had called us so she knew the situation at least. So we flew home, picked up Stephan's car and wouldn't you know that ALL THE WAY to Weymouth we did nothing but hit traffic... and more traffic and more traffic. 'A' called us again to find out where we were... we told her we were coming and would be there in about 15-20 minutes only to find out shortly after hanging up that route 3 wasn't even MOVING. Piss me off!
After the time we should have been there was just about to pass, I called the restuarant and asked the guy to track her down and let her know that we were stuck on Route 3 and would be later... *sighs* I hate being late! We bailed at the next exit after purusing a map and went a "back way" which turned out to be better anyway in my opinion.
That night turned out... interesting to say the least. It was definately a good time and I'm strangely impressed with myself and the growth I've made in some areas of my life in regards to some "adverse" reactions I've had in the past to meeting new people and this time most of the "expected" hostility I usually find creeping up on me was non-existant. Of course, as always, it depends on the person, expectations and the situation. The night was good and I guess we'll see what pans out of the situation.
I like A. She's nice. She's sweet. She's cute. She has some learning to do but she's thoroughly aware of it in most cases so it's almost refreshing to find someone like that around here where most people in our age range pursue the lifestyle to get their kicks more than to fulfill some sort of deeper fundamental need. *tries not to get going again on that subject* As always there's some things that sit in my mind and make me somewhat more aloof than I'd like to be. I guess it's more cautiousness than anything else. I'm still trying to protect myself from having things happen again in similar way that they have happened in the past. But I'm learning and I'm amazed that I've made the progress that I have already. I didn't even realize my philosophy change... but then again, I don't get the chance to exercise that much lately either. I wonder when I talked myself into it? heh... best not prod myself about it but rather spend the energy working on more things that need some fine tuning as well.
I'm growing. I'm learning. It's a fun trip most of the time.
Oh! And I registered for my class this past week!! :) YAY me! I get to go back to school... oi... scary and exciting all at once. I'm scared that I won't be able to do the subject matter but at the same time I tell myself that's a stupid thought since I -work- with this stuff everyday just about... ahhh... the "back to school jitters"... isn't it just GRAND being 26 and returning to school.
I used to laugh when people who were going back to school after having worked a few years after college said that it was completely different than they remembered it but now I think I'm starting to understand. It should prove interesting. I'm excited and nervous all at once. It's like going to kindergarten again without having to worry about the bullies on the schoolbus!
I guess that's all for now. My brain is kind of flipflopping between wanting to be here, wanting to be on vacation still. Plus there's a little twit here making our lives hell thinking somehow this works to his benefit but seemingly is quickly pedalling towards the end of his career here instead. I'd like to stick a pole in his spokes and help to hurdle him out of here but I'm not getting involved... it's not -my- fault if he wants to be a moron, after all...
ahh... who needs the afternoon soaps on TV? Real life is just so much more interesting!
Missed my journal... strange that...
