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9:59 a.m. - 2002-07-29
my collar
i've officially decided that i miss my collar.

i don't get to see it nearly as often as i'd like to. i miss it's warmth and the way it makes me feel.

i've thought about it a lot lately. even thought about taking it out and placing it before me on the floor, kneeling, waiting to be found like that. He'd know. He always knows.

perhaps during vacation i'll get to renew my friendship with my collar. perhaps i'll be lucky enough to wear it for an extended period. perhaps i won't have to miss it anymore... for i'll have time to spend in it.

it's probably strange for some people to think that i can miss an inanimate object. probably even more stranger for the simply gothic/non-lifestylers who wear them just for the added effect. but i love that collar and everything it represents. i love the way it makes me feel. i love the fact that it makes me free.

another strange concept... a bondage item making me feel free. i'll leave that one to ponder for those of you who just don't understand because, it's likely, you'll never understand the exact workings of that one. perhaps if you are lucky though... just perhaps...

i love the fact that i can wear it on the last hole now... poor Paul will have to put more holes in it should i lose more weight. i love the constrictive feeling... it's almost like the 'hug' of my corset (wah! i miss my corset!) i love the fact that it's worn in, and that we can tell which way i'm supposed to wear it simply by looking at the curve of the leather. i love knowing that because of that curve, it would never perfectly fit another person. i love that it's worn and shows that it is loved because of it wear and give. i love that it's strong and that it makes me strong.

i both love and hate when it's removed from my neck. the instant of chills that rake through my body, almost like a transformation of my person, almost like a cold chill, already missing the warmth and safety of the collar. i love it's scent.. a mixture of my human scent mixed deliciously with the smell of the leather.

i love that it's black with silver tack... very classy.

i love that it's so simple and therefore more complex to me.

i love the residual effects of wearing my collar.

*sighs and smiles* vacation is coming... i hope i can get to know my collar again in that week...

 

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