7:58 a.m. - 2002-07-09
ahhh... the "fat week"
I'm having a major fat week... well, alright, it started last week but anyway... it's not been a full week yet so I can count it how I want I suppose :)
Today I'm wearing one of the new dresses I bought a couple weeks back. I like them. They're different and even though they're sleeveless, I've managed to convince myself I look okay in them without my holey-sweater (hehe) thrown over them (besides wearing that sweater everyday would get gross after a while)...
So while I was just in the potty (because those of you who I know read this know I do my best thinking in the potty for no apparent reason whatsoever) I was looking in the mirror and well, I'm seeing only fat Tara today, even in this dress (which is revolutionary for me anyway because it's cut at the knee instead of full length like all my others) but... I just said to myself that it's okay how I look because I'm confident enough to be here looking like this. And I don't feel like people are staring at me thinking I'm fat, in fact, I don't care if they're staring or not... probably because it's work. (Well, I know -some- people stare at me and have conversations with my breasts but hey... I can ignore that too... ;) )
I'm on this big "let's lose the weight" kick again... floundering in my own self-doubt but trying to convert it into incentive to get my tushy to the gym more often. I'm creating a plan in my head that will probably help a few things in my life, not just my health... we'll see what it boils down to when I think I have something semi-concrete in my head...
better yet.... we'll see how long it lasts.... :/
