11:13 a.m. - 2002-06-26
a diatribe on eye contact
i've done this one before... written on this subject on a number of occassions and usually it's because i'm fired up about one thing or another or there's just something that keys me into it.
today it was a woman i passed on my way out of the bathroom... she was on her way in. i have no idea who this woman is but i dropped my eyes to meet hers, i said hi, she muttered hi while looking away and continuing past me. i suppose it's an acceptable greeting, and perhaps i'm just feeling bold and argumentative today but why do people hide their eyes so often? why do they look away? what are they hiding and/or what are they scared of?
it sort of drives me crazy for a couple of reasons i think. i like eye contact when i'm talking to a person, especially when i've just met them. it allows me to look beyond the words and expressions and see inside of them and see what their 'light' is like. i also think eye contact is a sign of self-confidence and i think i tend to be more agressive with people who refuse to hold eye contact with me because of my own personality. (i tend, instinctively, to prey on those who show me weakness. though this is not always true...)
eye contact is so much more than just looking at a person... at least to me. perhaps because i seem to be naturally well versed in reading people's eyes and seeing things that they don't intend to show or subtle differences that people don't realize live in their eyes. Not everyone is an easy case to crack, not everyone is an open book through their eyes but there are distinct categories of those who are books and those who choose to be vaults and hide behind the walls they build. Some people change their stance from person to person. Some people easily let their guard down and others are sometimes impermeable. it's almost like a complex science, one that i'm totally and completely enthralled in.
and i hate science.
i like eye contact while talking with people also because it displays the fact that the individual with whom i am speaking at least appears to be listening to me.
i too avoid eye contact with people sometimes too though. various reasons... some include: guilt, fear, respect, and i'm sure there are some others as well. when my heart is hurting and i'm i the presence of the person(s) it's hurting for, i can't usually make eye contact, mostly because i know i'll cry.
i have a difficult time sometimes retaining eye contact with some men. some men are naturally intimidating (potential Masters?) even if they are the nicest guys in the world and i think it's almost a reflex action to drop my eyes with some.
i guess it's a wide subject and one that i don't really have as much time as i thought to touch upon it... but i think i got out my frustration with the down-lookers... grrr... we need to teach the world to be more self-confident.
