3:03 p.m. - 2002-04-30
out of the 'loop'
i was thinking today as i strolled through some of my 'friends' diaries and pages...
it's very easy for someone to say they are 'out of the loop' and assess the blame to someone else but then, does that person ever realize that being part of a 'loop' involves letting the others know what it going on in their lives as well.
say persons a, b and c are all friends. persons a and b live together and person c lives a considerable distance away but often talks to either a or b.
communication becomes less because life takes it's usual turns and bumps in the roads of all three friends and suddenly there's not much communication at all in comparison to what was once there.
persons a and b are obviously well informed as to their own activities in their lives but are pretty much in the dark about what person c is doing without hearing from that person. persons a and b probably aren't the best at keeping in touch since their lives take them places and time for correspondance of any type is lessened but neither does person c put forth a huge amount of effort at reaching out for communication as well.
people start feeling neglected. people get angry. people feel left out. one points fingers at the other without even realizing that they too have ostracized the others.
and now... later, months later... person a realizes they know nothing about the happenings and people in the life of c. and realizes that c, even when they talk, doesn't bother to share that life with them anymore.
and it's strange...
the things we do to each other are strange.
part of me doesn't understand why we can't all get along.
then the logical part of me realizes that it often takes too much work and too much faith than many of us want to put in to obtain a balanced 'loop'.
human nature is not always to share ourselves with everyone we meet, but rather, to reserve many parts of ourselves for only those that we can trust with all that we are.
i hope only someday to understand what parts of me disallow myself to put in the work necessary to maintain certain relationships. to someday understand my tendancies for certain forms of communication and to someday express to people and have them understand why i cannot be where "i'm supposed to be" all the time.
someday i'll figure out how to schedule my life so that i can make everyone at least moderately happy...
until then, i have to work on my life...
